What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 00:30
I could never make a relationship work though!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
What are some tips for a girl with low self-esteem to start dating?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
When she asked me how she looked .
I dreamt my mother had died and I cried so much in my dream. What does it mean?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
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He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
My ex moved on so fast. How can I overcome the pain?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Why did i forgive my father ?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Especially a lifetime of it.
So, i spoilt her more .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Have you made a female relative or friend squirt?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She loved him until the end.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
What misfortune led to an important discovery?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Was to survive, this bastard.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Which is the worst Bollywood movie you have ever seen and why?
I was 9 years of age.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Would this be the day?
I write beautiful poetry .
Why do Muslims invade Western society?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I never cut or harmed myself..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
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Thats was my nicest nick name for him
My family never makes their pension either.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I said to her
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
My life is so biszare .
I was very sick at this time too.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
This is soul school!.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
As i do to all so called friends.?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Im still living with it.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She wouldn,t have been !
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
We all went to grammer schools
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Comes on , in middle age.
Put me off passion for life!!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I was seconnd youngest,
He resisted the act ,that day.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I was scared of men, in general
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
One cannot live in the past .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
All the time i was locked up.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She was in good health!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I think the readers, may guess!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And i lived it daily.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I have no regrets .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Who then, do I blame.?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She married twice! .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I will be 64.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He knew the spot.
I don,t even have a pension.
It was going to be , some day.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I waited trembling.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She found it foreign!.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
So whats the point in blame.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Ive learnt so much.
What did i know ?
We were not on the streets..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But, we were locked up after school.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But it wasn’t much.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other